might just be a new fun project for my posting. To kick things off, I’d like (thanks to deputydog) to list some violators of one of my greatest peeves of all time: bad accents in film. Let me preface this roll call with the timeless maxim that NO ACCENT is better than a painful one.

Let’s start with one of my favorite (ha!) actresses of all time: Julia Roberts. In Mary Reilly, she plays an Irish woman. From Ireland. With an Irish “accent”. Not only should that idea have been nixed from the get go – to inflict such an audible rape of the accent should result in some sort of federal prosecution. The best is when, having no idea how on God’s green earth she should correctly articulate certain words, she plows right on through, no doubt hoping to distract us with her famous Stonehenge smile. Judge for yourself:

Continuing in this stunning thespian tradition, I offer you… Keanu Reeves. I know what you’re thinking – so many movies, so many bad accents. Which one shall I choose? In this case, I’m going to go with Dracula. In this film, he had to use a British accent. I’m assuming… Since everyone else was speaking that way… At some point, I just gave up, gave him the benefit of the doubt, and prayed that Gary Oldman would come back on screen. Because truthfully, a paper bag with eyes drawn on it could spit out a better British dialect than this guy. I mean, come on!

Next up: Four words – Kevin. Costner. Robin. Hood.

Moving on, let’s take a look at John Malkovich in Rounders. It’s like this guy had no idea what a Russian accent sounded like, so he just studied Count Chocula and went from there. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Here’s a dynamic duo – two bad accents IN THE SAME MOVIE. Leonardo DiCaprio and Cameron Diaz in Gangs of New York. Now I think little Leo is quite a good actor. But he needs to avoid tricky European accents – it would be the best thing for all of us. And Cameron Diaz??? I don’t know what she’s got going on, but ding dang! she doesn’t sound like she’s from anywhere. It’s as if she’s in the transitional stages in her work with Henry Higgins! To wit:

I must end this list on a sad note. Dick Van Dyke is a rock star. Period. He is a wonderfully gifted physical actor. But what he did in Mary Poppins should have been addressed by the director. Or a fellow cast member. Or any member of the human race. He’s going for Cockney; he hit crappy. But Julie Andrews saves us all, God bless her!

What are your least favorite accents?