I consider myself somewhat summer-camp savvy, having spent many a June tucked away at an all girls’ camp in central Texas. One experience I have not had much of, however, is day camp. But I am fast catching up this summer with teaching arts camp through my theater.

Every day for 2 two-week sessions, this lovely camp offers classes in all aspects of performing and studio arts as well as science and creative games. We basically teach these kids everything short of weaving their own clothes and churning butter. And for the most part, each day is a fairly pleasant experience – seeing as I genuinely enjoy being around kids. But some of these campers are a piece of work!! In fact, there are days when I truly believe some of them might actually have been raised by wolves. On these days, I amuse myself by loitering around the doorway during camper pickup at the end of the day just so I can catch a glimpse of the live human being who has spit this thing out of the car at 9 in the morning for me to deal with for the next 5 hours.

So, in tribute to these fine parents, I offer some basic tips on how to ensure that your child has a fantastic experience at day camp:

1. Interpret any dress code requirements the camp might have as optional. This means that if the camp requests your child to wear tennis or closed-toed shoes, ignore this. A great way to go is flip-flops, preferrably several sizes too big such that the mere act of standing and breathing renders your child incapable of keeping said footwear on his or her feet. Hell, go for fairy wings and shoes made of gauze if you’re so inclined.

2. When preparing your child’s sack lunch, it’s really in the best interest of both you and your child to pack something difficult, obscure, or both. Quick suggestions might include spare ribs, halibut, or even a wild duck needing to be cleaned and dressed. As an alternative, ask your child point blank what he or she is absolutely unwilling to injest and use that as a working list when packing that daily brown bag.

3. When it comes to picking your child up at the close of the camp day, adopt a casual and carefree attitude – you’ll get there when you get there. Keep in mind that those who have been with your child all day probably can’t get enough of your little angel so your tardiness is really a bonus for those lucky, lucky counselors. In fact, failure to call the camp and remaining unreachable long after the pickup hour has come and gone is strongly encouraged and should guarantee a warm reception when you finally arrive.

Faithfully adhering to these simple suggestions will not only enhance your child’s camp experience, but endear him or her to the counselors for years to come. Don’t be surprised if they knock off a few bucks from your camp tuition next year – they’ll be that eager for your return!!